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Funny: Them & Us, Part 2
This was shared on a list and as soon as I find Part 1, I'll post it:
<If it weren't already obvious, I'm definately a blue voter!. THEM AND US, PART 2 By Ansur Never before in history—except during the American Civil war, has this country been so split politically, and culturally. During the election process, the TV media characterized the states that went to Kerry as “Blue States” and the ones that went to Bush as “Red States” and showed maps of the United States with the states in their significant colors. This also created more dissention because the Republicans thought Red would be more appropriate for those who they considered “left-leaning”. But the democrats thought that the Republican states should be identified with the color brown—since they consider members of this party to be brown shirted fascists. The rift between the states was defined by NBA News Anchor Lord Ansur as: “The Red States are those where foreign cuisine pretty much means Pizza Hut while the Blue States contain people that consider themselves smarter than those in the Red States even though it takes them over 15 minutes to order a single cup of coffee. Many of the members of the Blue States have been so traumatized by the other party winning they have been contemplating moving to other countries. In fact, three counties have been looked at as potential places of refuge: England, Australia, and Canada. England was ruled out for two reasons—it too is involved in the fighting in Iraq, but worse than that, the English consider Americans moving there as failed colonists that didn’t have the fortitude to stay in the new world and carve a living out of the wild Indian-infested forests. Australia was ruled out too, when it was learned that people that stumble there are very likely to fall off the world, since the whole country is upside down! That left Canada as the only possibility. But it turns out that Canada is not the paradise it is often made out to be. FACT: Every year polar bears eat 23% of all the Canadian citizens! This has created a need for all Americans, on both sides of the issues, to find common ground. This means that all the Red State residents, those ignorant racist fascist knuckle-dragging NASCAR-obsessed cousin marrying road kill–eating tobacco chewing gun-fondling religious fanatic rednecks AND the Blue State’s godless unpatriotic pierced-nose Volvo-driving France-loving left-wing communist latte-sucking tofu-chomping holistic-wacko neurotic vegan weenie perverts are each going to have to give a little. This country was built on diversity and it is why we are such a great nation—a nation that has given the world both nuclear weapons and McDonald hamburgers. We need to have a cultural-exchange program between Red and Blue States. Perhaps Texans could go to California and show the folks there how to stay on a mechanical bull and Californians could show Texans how to put their football stadiums in feng-shui order—where both goal posts are at the west end of the field. Maybe New York and Kentucky could have a social “mixer” featuring “crossover” hors d’oeuvres such as cheese bagels topped with squirrel parts. Although beneath their minor surface differences, the Red and Blue State folks have a lot of deep underlying, intractable differences, there is one important thing we all have in common. We have a common enemy that is dangerous, powerful, and relentless, I refer, of course, to the Federal Government.
<If it weren't already obvious, I'm definately a blue voter!. THEM AND US, PART 2 By Ansur Never before in history—except during the American Civil war, has this country been so split politically, and culturally. During the election process, the TV media characterized the states that went to Kerry as “Blue States” and the ones that went to Bush as “Red States” and showed maps of the United States with the states in their significant colors. This also created more dissention because the Republicans thought Red would be more appropriate for those who they considered “left-leaning”. But the democrats thought that the Republican states should be identified with the color brown—since they consider members of this party to be brown shirted fascists. The rift between the states was defined by NBA News Anchor Lord Ansur as: “The Red States are those where foreign cuisine pretty much means Pizza Hut while the Blue States contain people that consider themselves smarter than those in the Red States even though it takes them over 15 minutes to order a single cup of coffee. Many of the members of the Blue States have been so traumatized by the other party winning they have been contemplating moving to other countries. In fact, three counties have been looked at as potential places of refuge: England, Australia, and Canada. England was ruled out for two reasons—it too is involved in the fighting in Iraq, but worse than that, the English consider Americans moving there as failed colonists that didn’t have the fortitude to stay in the new world and carve a living out of the wild Indian-infested forests. Australia was ruled out too, when it was learned that people that stumble there are very likely to fall off the world, since the whole country is upside down! That left Canada as the only possibility. But it turns out that Canada is not the paradise it is often made out to be. FACT: Every year polar bears eat 23% of all the Canadian citizens! This has created a need for all Americans, on both sides of the issues, to find common ground. This means that all the Red State residents, those ignorant racist fascist knuckle-dragging NASCAR-obsessed cousin marrying road kill–eating tobacco chewing gun-fondling religious fanatic rednecks AND the Blue State’s godless unpatriotic pierced-nose Volvo-driving France-loving left-wing communist latte-sucking tofu-chomping holistic-wacko neurotic vegan weenie perverts are each going to have to give a little. This country was built on diversity and it is why we are such a great nation—a nation that has given the world both nuclear weapons and McDonald hamburgers. We need to have a cultural-exchange program between Red and Blue States. Perhaps Texans could go to California and show the folks there how to stay on a mechanical bull and Californians could show Texans how to put their football stadiums in feng-shui order—where both goal posts are at the west end of the field. Maybe New York and Kentucky could have a social “mixer” featuring “crossover” hors d’oeuvres such as cheese bagels topped with squirrel parts. Although beneath their minor surface differences, the Red and Blue State folks have a lot of deep underlying, intractable differences, there is one important thing we all have in common. We have a common enemy that is dangerous, powerful, and relentless, I refer, of course, to the Federal Government.