I give directions like you do, hon: Turn left at the really large victorian-wannabe purple house, continue straight up the hill past the really ugly copper signs on the left. Continue along until you see buffalo, and make an immediate left. Make a left at the blue house with the black pig, continue on until you see a Mary-on-the-half-shell across the street from our driveway. If you pass the llamas, you've gone too far. (And oddly enough, that's almost exactly the directions to our home)

I figure in ancient days, I was the twit on the quest who was the walking encyclopedia. i.e. the next town has a great apothacary, just don't ask him about his pet monkey or we'll be stuck there for hours. Avoid the wench at the Stein and Scabbard with the missing right front tooth, she's got the Pox. And while the peach ale is perfectly fine, the apple crop was bad this year so apple ale will probably give you the runs.

LMAO Survival skills indeed.