A bit of humor from our Rabbi

Remember how your grandmother used to cook? Where is that cooking now?

First, buy a flowered housecoat (shmata) and wear it all day, every day.
Then go out and buy a live chicken, carry it wrapped in a newspaper to the shoichet
(slaughterer) who will ritually slaughter it before your very eyes. When
you get it home, flick (pluck) your chicken and make sure you don't leave in
any pinchus (feather ends).

In the meantime, cover your couch in clear plastic, or floral slip
covers, and don't let anyone into your living room again ...unless they
are "company." Now you're a real balabusta and the essence of your universe
is in the kitchen. So get out your wooden matches, light the pilot light,
get out the volgar holtz (large dowel like piece of wood used as a rolling
pin) and get ready to hock the tzibbeles (chop the onions) and knubble
(garlic)..

( Brevity clicky )