Need some ideas...

[trystinn]

Here at the Tryst Inn we have a fairly narrow driveway cut at the street, bordered on either side by tall trees, then a little drive up to our home. The driveway itself then opens up to allow for four cars to be parked head first towards the north property fence and also for additional cars behind them - all the way right up to the front porch which we keep free for unloading and loading (which we do a lot of here, oddly enough). We did, on one occassion, fit twelve parked cars neatly in the driveway. It feels protected and a tad isolated, just the way I like it.

So how come all sorts of salespeople feel perfectly free to drive right up to the bottom step of the porch and come ring the doorbell? Drives me insane. Its all I can do while they are blathing about their "services" on my front doorstop to interrupt them and ask "why the hell are you parked right in front of my porch?" I could literally stand on the bottom step of the porch and kick their headlights out then go for the radiator. Literally.

Its rude. I'm sorry, its JUST RUDE. I was under the impression, back when I had to run things out to people's homes, that you take the furthest possible parking spot so as not to interfere with the running of the household unless you were delivering something HUGE and HEAVY. Carpet cleaning services I haven't ordered are neither.

There's also a safety element to this, as well. So what are my options, folks? Can I put up "NO SOLICITING" & "PRIVATE DRIVE" signs? What legal protection, if any, do they serve? Personally, I've always been rather fond of the "Forget the dog, beware the owner" signs - but the whole concept of flame orange signage is so unbelievably tacky I'm hesitant to add them.

I have no issue with standing at the front door, behind the screen door, shotgun in hand screeching "Get off my property!" at the top of my lungs - but there would seem to be something a bit less drastic I could try.

Comments

[rimrunner.livejournal.com]

Go ahead and put up a sign. It's private property, you're perfectly free to tell people to leave.

One of my friends has a sign right by the door indicating that salespeople, proselytizers, and political canvassers are not welcome, and also a doormat that says something to the effect of "If you're not expected, GO AWAY." If people are dumb enough to ring the doorbell anyway, she opens the door, points at the sign, and closes the door. If they persist, she gives them an earful.

Honestly, I think it helps her stress levels...

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

I'm known for needing a good vent now and again, myself. And that's an understatement.

Looks like a trip to Home Depot is in my future...sigh. This has been the third event in two days to do this and my nerves are shot. Two salesmen, one group of missionaries - I believe Mormon. Didn't let them get to that point, frankly. I pointed at the mezuzah, wished them Shalom and slammed the door in their faces.

Thanks :)

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

We have a 'no proselytizing' sign. It doesn't keep the salesfolk off, but I have seen several serious-looking boys in dark suits point at it and then turn around.

A 'private drive' sign may or may not give you any legal protection, but is sort of morally equivalent to firing a warning shot across the bow.

[jenett]

Where I grew up (New England suburbia) and where I live now (Midwest, ditto), the rule seems to be "Don't block anyone in, or prevent them from parking in what is probably the household parking space."

(Unless, of course, you know it's okay: our HP parks behind the household cars regularly, but he knows who drives which one, and generally only one person (the one non-initiate in the household right now) might potentially be going out if he's over. But that took a little coordination.)

If it's reasonably the middle of the day, cars are unlikely to be coming or going, and the person knows they're only going to be there briefly, I'd probably park in the closest spot but not right in front of the steps.

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

Hey, I like that idea: firing shots, that is.

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

Good to know I'm not the only one who grew up with the 'don't block household parking spot' rule. Here in the Pacific Northwest things are a tad more relaxed (read: rude).

I have no issues with friends, neighbors, priesthood, etc. parking wherever they like, as long as we can get everyone in. I also have three spots in front of the house at the street level, so we do pretty well.

[paigemom.livejournal.com]

The No Soliciting sign should work. If not, I like the shotgun idea...

[vicki-sine.livejournal.com]

My boss used to have agreat small sign, black and white, nice and neat and professional.

It read:

We shoot every third salesman.
The first two just left.

In remember one amusing afternoon, almost no one in the lab but me and the VP. He was going hunting at a friend's property after lunch. The friend was picking him up.

A coffee salesman came walking in. I met him in the reception area and pointed at the sign. He laughed, then the VP came out of his office headed for the parking lot ...shotgun in hand.

The timing was perfect and the VP was honestly clueless as to why I was standing there laughing.

Coffee salesman beat him to the door.

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

It does pose a pretty picture, doesn't it?

Sadly, I'd have to make do with a crossbow - don't own a shotgun.

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

OMG - that's classic!

I'll talk to the hubby and get his thoughts. We don't want to do anything that would upset our neighbors, who are definately welcome to drop in.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

I'd think a crossbow would be even better. A person aiming a shotgun at you is serious, but a person aiming a crossbow at you is clearly insane.

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

LMAO

Here's the idea: I throw on one of my cloaks, buckle on a sword or two, go outside on the porch with my crossbow and start screaming about folks taking Dungeons & Dragons too seriously at the top of my lungs?

[herbmcsidhe.livejournal.com]

That's a great story, Vicki!

Trys - make a post of the this icon...

[herbmcsidhe.livejournal.com]

postER

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

Understood - oddly enough I have plenty of letter guides for just such a project.

Thank you

[rainbear.livejournal.com]

I've always loved:

Trespassers will be violated.

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

ROTFLMAO

I have just the oversized basset hound for the job - seems to prefer Great Danes, though.

[rainbear.livejournal.com]

There's always the Pink Double-Headed Dildo... about 2' long.. you could keep it by the door for such occasions! :)

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

LMAO there you go!

Some more ideas

[paigemom.livejournal.com]

Start answering the door naked.

Get a komodo dragon costume for Tracker. He probably drools enough to be convincing...

Re: Some more ideas

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

That idea for Tracker is pretty good, especially as he's fat enough to claim he's already eaten one salesperson today.

Re: Some more ideas

[paigemom.livejournal.com]

LOL!

[rimrunner.livejournal.com]

The two I've seen before are:

TRESPASSERS WHO ARE FOUND HERE AT NIGHT WILL BE FOUND HERE IN THE MORNING

and

ALL BURGLARS PLEASE CARRY ID—WE NOTIFY NEXT OF KIN

[alfrecht.livejournal.com]

I did that to a bunch of kids in Cork who were bothering me endlessly one night. About the fifth time they knocked on my door and were throwing rocks, I showed up at the door with my Iron Age Celtic sword and drew it from its scabbard (which makes this lovely "zing!" sound that is very dramatic), and told them I'd make kebabs of them all if they didn't leave me alone. The door-knocking stopped...at least for that evening.

I'm reminded of that silly film "The Banger Sisters," when Goldie Hawn shows up at her old friend Susan Sarandon's house, and when the latter doesn't recognize the former, she threatens her in her yard with one of those small handheld 3-pronged garden forks. Such a person would be almost *too innocent* to attempt to bother!

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

see, now, my scabbard is leather..it makes a sort of sllllltttt! noise.

I adore Susan Sarandon, great movie, btw.

[alfrecht.livejournal.com]

I have a good friend (archer904, actually) who is somewhat famous in our circles for messing with salespeople and proselytizers. When he was a teenager, he used to LOVE being at his friends' houses when the Jehovahs and others would come around, because he'd ask to answer the door and just totally mess with them. He stripped down to his underwear and opened a beer and said "What the hell do you want?" once; another time, he pretended to be a black woman and talked with them through the door.

I'm always tempted to get into a conversation with these people, but generally I've just said "No, thanks, not interested" when they came around in the last few years. I had the Legion of Mary (a Catholic organization) come to my door in Cork a few years ago; and I also had Irish female Jehovah's Witnesses come to my door last year. The born-agains (Irish) and the Mormons (American boys) were fond of stopping people on the street in Cork, and one night, I ended up talking with these three born-agains for about 45 minutes or so (as soon as I said a sentence to the one who stopped me, his two friends came over and had to relieve him), the upshot of which was they couldn't talk to as many other people while they were dealing with me.

If I ever have property of my own, I think I'd like to get a sign that says "Trespassers will be sacrificed."

[keirandyl.livejournal.com]

Put up a gate...with a speaker. It doesn't have to be big just something that makes them stop and think. Hmmm thinking giant sized kid gate (the kind to prevent them falling down stairs. Or rope strung across driveway or maybe tape that says crime scene :)

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

Chatting over options with hubby right now.

[winterlion.livejournal.com]

Secondhand Lions. LOVE the movie.
(My stepdad does as well - and would -also- shoot warning shots if he could. I gave him a copy of the movie and it makes him laugh).

small sign 'parking reserved for private use'. perhaps post a 'public parking' a ways down. THERE put 'no loitering, panhandling, proselytizing or soliciting' sign.

mind you I still like the "secondhand lions" approach - a series of signs such as 'trespassers will be shot', 'beware' and other such.