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Humor: Pagan Problem Report Form (aka Occult Incident Report)
The Pagan Problem Report Form
1. Describe your pagan problem: __________________________________________________
2. Now, describe the pagan problem accurately:___________________________________________
3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem: ____________________________________
4. Problem severity:
A. Minor B. Minor C. Minor D. Trivial
5. Nature of the problem:
A. ___Attachment B. ___Possession C. ___Hex D. ___Strange Smell
6. Is your Aura plugged in Correctly? Yes __ No __
7. Is it turned on? Yes __ No __
8. Have you tried to Cleanse or Vanquish it yourself? Yes __ No __
9. Have you made it worse? Yes __
10. Have you had a friend who "knows all about Witchcraft and cleansing" try to fix it for you? Yes__ No__
11. Did they make it even worse? Yes __
12. Have you read a Book of Shadows? Yes__ No__
13. Are you sure you've read a Book of Shadows? Maybe __ No__
14. Are you absolutely certain you've read a Book of Shadows? No__
15. If you read a Book of Shadows, do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__
16. If 'Yes' then explain why you can't fix the problem yourself:
__________________________________________________
17. What were you doing with your Ritual circle when the problem occurred?
__________________________________________________
18. If you answered 'nothing' then explain why you were on the Astral plane:
___________________________________________________
19. Are you sure that you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__
20. Does the Cauldron in your circle work? Yes__ What's a CAULDRON? __
21. Do you have a copy of 'Witchcraft for Dummies'? Yes__ No__
22. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem, either here or passed over ? Yes__ No__
23. Do you have any magical tools, gifts or talents that DO work? Yes__ No__
24. Is there anyone else you could blame this problem on? Yes__ No__
25. Have you given yourself a good whack on the forehead? Yes__ No__ (if 'no' do it now)
26. Is the group outside your home trying to set you on fire? Yes__ Not Yet __
1. Describe your pagan problem: __________________________________________________
2. Now, describe the pagan problem accurately:___________________________________________
3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem: ____________________________________
4. Problem severity:
A. Minor B. Minor C. Minor D. Trivial
5. Nature of the problem:
A. ___Attachment B. ___Possession C. ___Hex D. ___Strange Smell
6. Is your Aura plugged in Correctly? Yes __ No __
7. Is it turned on? Yes __ No __
8. Have you tried to Cleanse or Vanquish it yourself? Yes __ No __
9. Have you made it worse? Yes __
10. Have you had a friend who "knows all about Witchcraft and cleansing" try to fix it for you? Yes__ No__
11. Did they make it even worse? Yes __
12. Have you read a Book of Shadows? Yes__ No__
13. Are you sure you've read a Book of Shadows? Maybe __ No__
14. Are you absolutely certain you've read a Book of Shadows? No__
15. If you read a Book of Shadows, do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__
16. If 'Yes' then explain why you can't fix the problem yourself:
__________________________________________________
17. What were you doing with your Ritual circle when the problem occurred?
__________________________________________________
18. If you answered 'nothing' then explain why you were on the Astral plane:
___________________________________________________
19. Are you sure that you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__
20. Does the Cauldron in your circle work? Yes__ What's a CAULDRON? __
21. Do you have a copy of 'Witchcraft for Dummies'? Yes__ No__
22. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem, either here or passed over ? Yes__ No__
23. Do you have any magical tools, gifts or talents that DO work? Yes__ No__
24. Is there anyone else you could blame this problem on? Yes__ No__
25. Have you given yourself a good whack on the forehead? Yes__ No__ (if 'no' do it now)
26. Is the group outside your home trying to set you on fire? Yes__ Not Yet __