Things I've said to Flash this week

Please stop licking the cat, he's going to scratch you if you keep that up. See, I told you so.
Its a toilet paper roll - what's the allure here?
Gravity attacks you fairly often, eh?
That's not normal. And that's

really

not normal.
Stop humping the ottoman. Now. No, it doesn't look like a St. Bernard. Its green, they aren't.
That's a whole new level of lazy - drinking water while standing inside the dog door.
Do you have a death wish? (When I found him chewing on Gracie's new flying disks)
Why are you in my kitchen?
Stop howling at the lovebird. He doesn't like it.
Stop howling at the neighbors. Yes, I know they like it. I don't.
Stop howling at the closet. Nothing is in there, see?
Stop howling!
No, you can't take a ride in the cement mixer.
No, you can't eat cement.
I bet Caesar Millan doesn't have days like this. No, he doesn't.
No, you can't keep Chris' wife. He'd like her back. Get off!
Stop licking the toilet, you're freaking me out. Especially when I'm on it. Or guests are.
No, I don't want a kiss!

*slump*

Holy Humor - courtesy of my MIL

HOLY HUMOR
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?? The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly, " It stands for Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'
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There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
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( Clicky )

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Give me a sense of humor, Lord, Give me the grace to see a joke, To get some humor out of life, And pass it on to other folk!