D&D Hell

[trystinn]

I'm not really sure why I agreed to play D&D again, most likely a guilt response to create more of a social life. How signing up for weekly D&D sessions makes me more social I have no idea - but there you go. I do like these people, quite a few of which are BTW Seekers - which gives me an interesting perspective into their lives I might not otherwise have. This is both a good and a bad thing.

First off, their home is chaotic. Every time I go over there, its a caphony of competing video games with "Guitar Hero" on the living room tv and various hand-held games being played by the non-playing child. The hosts have two dogs, which honestly given I have four, is somewhat refreshing - though I'm concerned that both try to spend the entire game curled up on the bench near me or on my lap, anywhere to be away from the noisy kids.

I made a point at the beginning of the game that I have rather sensitive hearing and that loud background noise has a tendency to give me migraines - so perhaps could we put the kids down at 10pm or a quiet time of books, puzzles, etc.? I was immediately assured this was impossible. So until 1:30am three children under age eight were allowed to play "Guitar Hero" and various hand-held screaming video games in the very next room to our game. Two of the kids are autistic, one mildly so (frankly, I haven't even noticed it) and the second moderately so to the point where she eats everything (pica) and needs constant supervision. And when I say eats everything - I mean eats pencils, rips plastic off of toys and chews on it, sucks on razors, etc. Add to that the hosts taking turns screwing around on their computer when it wasn't their turn and you have a truly insane evening.

I realize I was raised very strictly - but since when is this sort of thing "normal"?

Comments

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

I don't know how old those kids are, but I wasn't allowed to stay up past 9 for most of my childhood. The video game system, when we got one, was in my sister's room on an old and crappy TV, and if we played it when guests were over, we had to shut her door and keep the volume down low.

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

Yep, that's pretty much how I was raised, too.

[vicki-sine.livejournal.com]

Well...you wanted a view into their lives?

And you got it didn't you?

Perhaps point them in the direction of a nearby Erisian and move on.

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

Yes, it certainly has. *sigh*

[keastree.livejournal.com]

Hey! Erisians do not neccesarily want that kind of chaotic BS either. We like long quiet evenings as much as the next person.

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

The oddity of it all is the kids don't even belong to the hosts, they belong to a couple who attends the D&D session.

[keastree.livejournal.com]

Since we stopped allowing parents to spank their kids, and/or stopped expecting parents to parent in general.

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

Oh, the parents spank these kids - in between filling them with sugar and handing them video games.

The moderately autistic girl acts like a monkey much of the time climbing on things and people, trying to hang upside down from chairs and people and breaking into cabinets. Very much not like the autistic kids I used to work with.

[keastree.livejournal.com]

And they wonder why they act out? What a bag of mixed signals!

Mostly sounds like they need to play less D&D, and parent more.

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

The concept of earning a video game or toy is absolutely foreign to these parents. When I mentioned we run a video game free household, meaning we ask friends not to bring them into our home, they gave me a disdainful look people usually reserve for members of the Branch Davidians.

Are we really that unusual??

[keastree.livejournal.com]

Yes.

My house is largely TV-free. It's movies-only, on an earned basis. Makes the kids do their house and school work, and prevents me from crawling the walls from the sound of the TV monitor on. I'm one of those people who hears well into that range and it is so distracting that I cannot have a conversation with someone while a TV or other CRT is on.

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

Oh dear Gods - I'm not the only one. I cannot stand electronic background noise like that. Radio I can handle as long as its something like NPR, PRI or CBC but a tv running constantly is enough to provoke me to murder.

Which is why dumping cable last month hasn't hurt my feelings whatsoever. However, friends with children are insanely offended that Cartoon Network is no longer available for their precious child to watch in our living room while adults are trying to hang out and talk.

[keastree.livejournal.com]

Synesthesia is a bitch. I see sound and I get these awful sprays of stuff through my vision at times. White noise is really white! Totally bolluxed reading auras until I figured out that I was actually hearing them, and getting a visual that in no way matched that stuff they teach us in witchcraft skool. Heh.

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

I'm actually considering requesting a hearing test, its gotten so I can barely make out speech on tv or in person if there is background noise of any sort. Part of this is that damn women hearing where we've got to listen to background conversations and noises, I'm sure.

Lately, I've been selecting the caption option on movies so I can read along.

[midnightfae.livejournal.com]

I was rarely spanked as a child (usually one when it was something that could get me or my brother severely injured). My parents found that, for the most part, forced boredom was more effective. It is possible to parent without spanking, if that is your preference.

The key is, however, that there needs to be rules, and those rules need to be enforced. How they are enforced is a matter of preference.

And, to answer the original question. No. That's not normal. I grew up in a fairly unrestrictive environment, but I was still expected to behave politely, and we had some pretty strict rules about television and video games. Books were available in abundance, however.

[dolmena.livejournal.com]

Several of my friends don't spank their children-- but they do put them to bed at a set time, and, as you said, be polite.

[beltainelady.livejournal.com]

Um...no. My daughter is allowed to stay up during the summer and on weekends, but not during the school year. Then again, she's also 14 and not autistic.

If this is what they're like in real life, imagine it in a coven. And then walk away.

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

I brought hubby over to see these folks in their own environment, given he was under the impression I have been overly judgmental in criticizing them. Once we got into the car to drive home, he turned to me, visibly shuddered and said: "No way in hell".

Ugh.

[evaelisabeth.livejournal.com]

I realize I was raised very strictly - but since when is this sort of thing "normal"?

It's not, it's bordering on child abuse.

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

Which was exactly my thought at the time, but as I'm constantly being reminded by others, I was raised with a rather old fashioned concept of children's behavior.

Thank you.

[winterlion.livejournal.com]

Those folks got a lot to learn about being parents.
Doesn't sound worth the frustration.

Gaming's nice for being sociable - and one has to give allowance that a lot of folks who game are missin' something important in their life - but that said, there's no excuse for being bad hosts.

I think they need to have some practice at being guests a while before they should be hosting any more. But I'm Mr Sunshine :)

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

We've hosted them a few times in our home, though not the couple those two children belong to. For obvious reasons, including the simple fact that our home is not pica-safe in any way.

But yes, a few role models would do those folks good.

[wild-heart.livejournal.com]

Back in the mid-late 80s, I knew a Brit couple who'd moved to NJ. Their kids were completely wild. Young kids, unsupervised, unwashed, largely unfed. After the 3rd child died of SIDS, the parents moved to WA.

In your shoes . . . those shoes would politely back out of the situation. Parenting via neglect or claiming helplessness because of a diagnosis would get me into a state of rage that would not be conducive to play.

Children thrive in structure and with firm guidelines. Period. Not bonsai trees, but trellised roses.

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

Using your analogy, I'd say my siblings and I were raised to be bonsai trees. So accustomed were we to external discipline, we never developed self-discipline until way into our twenties - sadly, too late for Shawn who never did learn limits, which eventually killed him.

Trellised roses, I love that analogy. Thank you.

[jenett]

Gah. I'm so with you: I have a really hard time standing that sort of chaos. Even the fairly orderly sort (kids in the library, doing generally appropriate things) drives me batty some days (or, at least, exhausted.)

I adore our gaming sessions, but largely because we've all got more or less the same mode for it. Excellent food and wine, generally. Several of us bring something quiet and non-obtrusive to work on (a quiet word-play game on the laptop, spinning, or knitting), but it's always something that can be put down fast when we get pulled back into the action again.

I was trained *very* early that if I wanted to be around the interesting adult stuff, I had to behave, be appropriately quiet and respectful, and that if we were going somewhere where there was some adult stuff I wanted, and some stuff that would bore me, I could bring a book. (So, if we went out to dinner, I'd often read during the 'lingering over coffee' discussion, after being sociable at dinner itself.)

My parents would never have tolerated rampaging noise. (They also taught me really early that there were times - as my father did a fair bit of writing work at home - that I could play quietly in my room, but I was *not* to disturb them short of a major clearly defined emergency.)

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

Mine neither, and none of my relatives were shy about correcting our manners or behaviors. Which my parents backed 100%!

[dolmena.livejournal.com]

In several households I have been acquainted with, the children up to age 11 or so are expected to go to bed by 9-- and older kids are expected to be quiet in their bedrooms by 10 on a school night. Their parents sometimes leave functions early because they "need to be home to help put the kids to bed" or "see the kid before he goes to sleep."

[mysticknyght.livejournal.com]

since when is this sort of thing "normal"?

no.

This has been another edition of "simple answers to simple questions."

:-)

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

I do appreciate everyone's assurance I'm not being overly critical here. Sometimes its hard for me to decide whether or not I'm being fair to others.