Customers Slay Me

[trystinn]

A customer calls in, explaining that her child's teacher has requested they order Stephen King's "Elements of Style". Go ahead and hit your head repeatedly into a desk, it gets worse from there.

I'm madly checking ISBN searches and databases during this, trying to find *something* that might be along what she's looking for.

T: Ma'm, is there any chance that the teacher meant "Elements of Style" by Strunk & White?
C: No, no. Its written by Stephen King! I don't know who this Strunk & White is.
T: Stephen King, as in the horror writer?
C: Yes, that Stephen King. Are there others named Stephen King?
T: Quite a few, actually. Stephen King did write a sort of autobiography called "On Writing", could that be it?
C: No, I told you its called "Elements of Style". Its for a creative writing course.
T: Strunk & White's is the only book called "Elements of Style" that I'm aware of that is routinely used by teachers. There's also a "Elements of Grammar" & "Elements of Punctuation" in that series.
C: No. I told you, its for a creative writing course! Why would Grammar & Punctuation be included in a creative writing course?? Its called "Elements of Style", could you search on that, please?
T: That would typically be the Strunk & White guide, ma'm. The rest are books on architecture, etc.
C: I don't know why you're being so difficult. The teacher told us to get "Elements of Style" by Stephen King.
T: Ma'm, I'm sorry I cant' find any record of any book by that title by that author.
C: He wrote it back in 1960.
T: Ma'm, Steven King, the horror writer, was born in 1947. He was 13 in 1960. His first novel was published in 1974.
C: That's it.
T: Ma'm, his first book was "Carrie". I've checked Stephen King's website, it doesn't list a book called "Elements of Style" in the list of his published works.
C: So you can't order it for me?
T: I can't order you "Elements of Style" by Stephen King. I'd be happy to order the Strunk & White "Elements of Style" so you can take a look at it. You're under no obligation to buy it, however.
C: I'm going to contact the teacher and let her know that area businesses cannot order it.
T: Yes, ma'm. Why don't you have her call the bookstore - I'll be here until 4:00pm.

*headdesk*

Comments

[alfrecht.livejournal.com]

There needs to be a nametag given to such people that says "I'm not only illiterate, I'm also obstinate!" (which they would also not understand themselves), to warn us to not ask them questions harder than "Do you know your phone number?" (so we can call someone to come and pick them up).

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

I love Bill Engvall's idea of a universal "I'm stupid" sign. Though I have to admit at this point I rather consider the cross to be one. *WEG*

[rainbear.livejournal.com]

Some people really do need clue-by-four.

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

I was waiting for her to explain the child was in accelerated courses. I really and truly was.

[wild-heart.livejournal.com]

Jeezus on toast points.

I've still got my copy of "Elements of Style" from college, circa 1976. :-)

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

The first copy I had was my mother's college copy - so somewhere in the late 60s, I'd think.

Small town folk, gotta love them.

[wire-mother.livejournal.com]

let me see. the book, The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr was published in 1918. the book The Elements of Style (which is a revised edition of the former, done by E.B. White) was published in 1959.

of course, you know that.

my favorite line, though, is, "Why would Grammar & Punctuation be included in a creative writing course?"

and that's why POD is a danger to the world. ;)

[herbmcsidhe.livejournal.com]

And here (http://www.lulu.com/content/1275110) is a prime example.

[wire-mother.livejournal.com]

*whew!* i was afraid that you were pointing here!

dodged another bullet…

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

Nope, we certainly wouldn't point there. *WEG*

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

Buhahwahwahhhhhhh!

[rimrunner.livejournal.com]

Why would Grammar & Punctuation be included in a creative writing course??

That's when MY head met the desk. Good lord. That kind of thinking is responsible for more badly-spelled (and just plain bad) poetry than I care to think about.

King even spends a fair bit of time in On Writing recommending The Elements of Style and explaining why it's important. Sheesh.

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

Yep, I know. I called back later that afternoon and tried to explain about his book.

Useless. :)

[midnightfae.livejournal.com]

*laughs*

That reminds me of the one and only time I met Stephen King. I was in Bangor, Maine and I was sitting in a coffee joint of some kind, eating a bagel and reading Insomnia while my parents were off... doing something around town. I'd opted to read my new shiny book. I was... 13 I think.

And this guy asked me if I like the book. I said, "Yeah, it's pretty good. Have you read it?"

And random guy gave me a very strange look and said, "Yes. Yes, I've read it."

"Cool", and I went back to reading.

It wasn't until two days later, when I got to the end and glanced at the blurb with the picture that I realized who I'd spoken too.

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

I always figure authors are rather charmed by folks who don't know who they are. The few times someone has recognized something I've written I've blushed.

[brock-tn.livejournal.com]

Had a similar problem with a customer in the paint business a number of years ago. The company I worked for then did a lot of business in enamels tinted to match the manufacturer's colors for farm machinery and construction equipment. He came in and wanted four gallons of "Grove Yellow," to repaint a mobile crane. Our formula for "Grove Yellow" involved tinting cans of "Caterpillar Yellow," since the Grove Equipment livery color is a bit redder and darker than the Caterpillar color, and we didn't have enough requests for "Grove Yellow" to justify a separate production run and inventory line item. I brought the cans up, and the customer wigged out because the labels still said "Caterpillar New Yellow." Accused me of trying to cheat him. Eventually I told him to come back tomorrow, that we would make up a new batch of paint, especially for him, but that he would have to buy all ten gallons. He agreed.

I went back out to the tint station, tinted up six more gallons, printed ten labels saying "Grove Yellow," and relabeled all ten cans. The guy came in the next day, paid for all ten cans, and walked out with a smug expression on his face for having bent us to his will, even after I charged him a premium for a custom production run on short notice.

He wound up paying us about four times what his original order would have cost, for two-and-a-half times as much paint as he originally wanted.

[onyxtwilight.livejournal.com]

Yay! Victory!

[winterlion.livejournal.com]

Style? Stephen King? Whoah... now there's two concepts I wouldn't dream of associating with each other *wicked grin* (no I'm not a fan of Stephen King - but I'm just being naughty here *g*)

*yipes* about the grammar&punctuation comment. My creative writing course had a whole long list of prerequisites - including technical writing. I have to admit that my playfulness with grammar DOES come from that course - but it's because I write with my voice as opposed to writing respectable prose or the like.

said "customer" (not that I'd wish someone with so fine listening ability as a customer) definitely is... *whoah* a piece.
So very much *headdesk*

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

Folks who call in are often the worst - they have all the time in the world and I get to make faces at them. They rarely, if ever, have author and title and when they do - this results.