Mini rant - commerce parties!

[trystinn]

Ugh..this one is gonna get ugly.

I just got ANOTHER invitation to one of those 'parties' with a commerce theme. Party Lite, Passions Party, Tupperware, you name it - I get the invites.

Just for fun - let's analyze this through my snark sensor array. You're inviting me over to your house (often when you've never invited me over before) so you can get all sorts of hostess gifts and feed me in exchange for your friend to be able to run her little business out of our homes. Hmn...okay. Actually, for added fun, the invite I just received is pot luck - so not only are we to come and spend money so the hostess can get her gifts, we're supposed to feed ourselves! Gotta spend money to make money, err, wait that doesn't work. ACK!

Party Lite - okay, the candles are kinda nice and I get that they last 3000% times longer than other *quality* candles. Here's the thing - I'm a witch. I make my own candles. Yep, even make the non-magical candles for "just around the house, too". I even recycle my half-burned candles into new candles. Joy!

Tupperware - I gave it the Tracker test. If my Basset Hound can eat through it to get to taco meat, it ain't high quality enough for my home. And oy, I still have no idea what the damn toy I got for winning "Tupperware Bingo" does! Tell Tupperware they need a tougher quality control testing labratory, because they are flunking mine.

Passion party - if done by the right person, these are a hoot. Why not? The problem is, they are usually run by these chubby gals with their tummies showing between their too tight pastel cartoon t-shirt and their knock off drop waisted jeans (does anyone in the history of the world find camel toes sexy?), bad local frost job, goofy teenage-wannabees, with really hideous fake designer purses from the NAVY EXCHANGE (Oh, the humanity!) arch neo-conservative gals with those stupid patriot magnets on their SUV from hell. These are the gals the Navy guys marry who are not presentable enough to work at Walmart, that should tell you something.

Two hours worth of CHEMICAL FUN, just lotion after lotion, with one hand for licking, the other for non-edibles. Then come the oddly overly large sex toys - really, if you can fit that in your cooch, I'm now afraid of you! And really, Oak Harbor military folks are really not ready for anal toys. You can tell by the way everyone shrieked into high pitched notes designed to shatter glass and turned green - make a note of it while I put earplugs in. And really, I don't need to know that my husband's co-worker's morbidly obese wife loves the numbing cream and its the "only way to make him last!" And that the fake blonde with the obviously cheap boob job on my left needs clit creme to get off. Seriously, don't need to know that. My hubby doesn't need such a thing, neither do I. Patience, technique, Hitachi's - get some.

*prepared food company* - I admit, I cannot recall the name to this. Here's the thing - I cook. I enjoy cooking. Anyone who whines they don't have time to cook needs to be introduced to the joys of crockpots. If you have time to chat online, you have time to cook - HONEST!

RSVP - NEGATIVE

Comments

[seastormwitch.livejournal.com]

Two hours worth of CHEMICAL FUN, just lotion after lotion, with one hand for licking, the other for non-edibles. Then come the oddly overly large sex toys - really, if you can fit that in your cooch, I'm now afraid of you! And really, Oak Harbor military folks are really not ready for anal toys. You can tell by the way everyone shrieked into high pitched notes designed to shatter glass and turned green - make a note of it while I put earplugs in. And really, I don't need to know that my husband's co-worker's morbidly obese wife loves the numbing cream and its the "only way to make him last!" And that the fake blonde with the obviously cheap boob job on my left needs clit creme to get off. Seriously, don't need to know that. My hubby doesn't need such a thing, neither do I. Patience, technique, Hitachi's - get some.

*ROFLMAO* I am WIPING TEARS damn it...tears I tell you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

My life on the Island is beyond wierd.

Glad I'm not the only one who finds this stuff insane. Really, everyone around here thinks all this is NORMAL!

[seastormwitch.livejournal.com]

I've been to one of the sex toy parties hosted by a friend who is pagan and bi. She invited a bunch of straight catholic women along with a bunch of pagans and a couple of lesbians (me being pagan and lesbian). It was a hoot watching all the vanilla catholic girls. I had much fun.

But would I go to one with people I hardly know...well I might if I was feeling a tad on the honory side...but I doubt it.

My idea of 'sex toy' and 'risque' is probably so far out of whack with theirs that for me it would be like going to a bible study. *ROFL*

;) Gods bless variety.

You could go just to see how much you can scandalize them. Good journal fodder!

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

You know, you haven't lived until you've had a girlfriend walk out of the bathroom in a strap on. Really, after that, the Betty Dodson workshop on masturbation was almost unworthy of blushing. It really wasn't the sex toy party - it was the way the women were behaving.

Wastedmouthful will back me on this. The men were so drunk that by the time the sex toys came out, one guy licked the end of a suction cup dildo (12 inches long, 4 inches diameter) and ran around the party with the thing stuck to his bald head like a unicorn.

Then they stuck it to the tv and did the booty dance backing up into it. Which really would have been a hoot had they not all been making horrible homophobic jokes, offensive and grossly drunk.

I apparently shocked the numbing creme gal by going through the sex position cards with my hubby as we quietly teased "done this, haven't done that, need to do this". Really, she bitched about it to her hubby that I was offending her and over-sharing. Which is insane - I was quietly talking to my hubby on another sofa, five feet from her!

[rainbear.livejournal.com]

Oh.. I find the overly large toys a hoot. Some women react with the "OMG!" and others react with "Mmmhmm.. ayup..." -- it's amusing... :)

I have two "overly large" toys in my kit--and I use them to prove a point on our masturbators. "You know, ladies--for those nights when you just want to sleep, but he's lookin for some!" ;-) I generally hold up the "crystal beaded pussy" and they all go "yeah uh huh, my husband would never fit in that tiny thing" so I grab the 9" vibrator, or the 9" pleasureskin dildo, and ask one of the ladies to do the honor of lubing it for me. Then I proceed to demonstrate just how much these things stretch. Usually that gets a lot of "Oooh"s.

The difference I see between the three parties? You can buy Tupperware-like things at any store just about--Rubbermaid, and others (personally I'm a Rubbermaid fan). Candles, as you said, are easily made, and easily bought anywhere.

But, most people don't like walking into an adult store. Nor ordering mail order, and ending up on mailing lists...so I see it as I save people from that.. they get to see a good sampling of the toys, ask questions, etc.

As always, YMMV

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

Seriously, hon, if you were hosting the parties - they would be massively enjoyable, on many levels. Education, hysterical, mischevious - I can completely visualize the difference between you and Madam Camel Toe.

But the concept that these gals who are shocked by the idea of oral sex (one gal was aghast that I like giving BJs) are somehow appropriate Passion Party Organizers is beyond me!

[rainbear.livejournal.com]

Oh honey!

The Temptations people are insane that way! :-D

The forums are ripe with women talking about their favorite toys and lubes. We've had discussions about how the Sex Tarts Green Apple is kind of lubey-tasting, but the Cherry Pop isn't too bad--and the grape is pretty excellent!

And we won't go into the discussions of favorite toys.. ;-D

[magicalmehendi.livejournal.com]

wow...I realize this is a rant. But you realllllllllllllly sound like such a class snob in it.

and for what it's worth...I hate getting sucked into thse parties too. The first person I met up here in Skagit was a 'free item' junkie and it took me a year to figure it out.

[rainbear.livejournal.com]

What is a "free item" junkie?

[magicalmehendi.livejournal.com]

a person who host commercial parties for the freebies, who pressures you (very very sweetly) into hosting a party so she can get freebies, who has a "special offer" but needs to sign you up too...so she can get freebies....etc.

[rainbear.livejournal.com]

Oh geeze...

See, we don't do the free gift thing. We do "If the party sales total over $250, the host/ess gets 10% of the party total deducted from their own order."

So in a way it's free (to them)... but it's not a 'freebie'...

(I'm not saying I don't give a "thank you" gift to a host, I certainly do, especially if the party does well, but that's me doing it because I'm a Nice Guy, not because the company tells me I have to :)

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

Yep, I'm sure I do. But at least I'm being honest!

[magicalmehendi.livejournal.com]

keep tellin yourself that ;)

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

I do, I do.

My own personal delusion - I'm NOT A SNOB, I'm NOT A SNOB.

Yes, she does.

[edwarddain.livejournal.com]

But the sad fact is that classlessness is perhaps the greatest illusion that America holds.

We have social class, it's matters a great deal, and when you add religion and sexuality (plus education to a smaller degree) into the mix the differences can quickly become nigh-insurmountable.

I can't hold it against her, see my rant here (http://www.livejournal.com/users/edwarddain/79778.html). It's not 100% on target with this, but along with the comments digs around in the general concept.

Re: Yes, she does.

[magicalmehendi.livejournal.com]

But the sad fact is that classlessness is perhaps the greatest illusion that America holds.

as long as their is currency (be it cash/trade/swap/barter) and jobs (of any sort) in the world there will be classes.

And lets not forget the basic human need to be a dick to people to make oneself feel superior over the 'little people'.

Re: Yes, she does.

[edwarddain.livejournal.com]

Or the basic need to blame the "people in charge" for one's own lack of achievment.

Or the lateral prejudice and oppression by minority groups against other minority groups in an effort to bolster their own self-image.

Dicking people over, labeling, and finger-pointed goes on in every direction.

Bah.

[edwarddain.livejournal.com]

(Distracted by cat)

"...finger-pointing..."

Re: Yes, she does.

[magicalmehendi.livejournal.com]

ahh the twisty turny logic.

you are exactly right, finger pointing goes on w/ everyone.
Gets ya really far in life doesn't it.

Re: Yes, she does.

[edwarddain.livejournal.com]

It's one of those interesting pieces of social dynamics - and it's entirely reasonable at times.

The issue is, like any defense, worst when it comes to life like some Frankenstein's monster rampaging about in an attempt to destroy it's own creator out of misery, loneliness, and rage.

[chyara.livejournal.com]

I soo understand where your coming from. LOL... loved your rant.

i never go to the Party lite stuff.. even when my best friend hosts it... lol i just don't like them..

I do like Passion parties with the right group of people.... and then don't buy anything...lol

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

Precisely! Its all in getting the right mix!

There's a gal in my psych class who identified herself as wanting to become a sex therapist...you should have seen folks back up. I, instead, went right to her and we've made plans to meet for coffee and discuss intimacy methods and the role of ritual in sex.

Good stuff with the right people, amusing horror with the wrong stuff.

FYI - hubby and I did buy two sex toys from the party! ;)

LOL!

[edwarddain.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I read what you're writing - on many levels.

;-)

[asherahs.livejournal.com]

"Party Lite - okay, the candles are kinda nice and I get that they last 3000% times longer than other *quality* candles. Here's the thing - I'm a witch. I make my own candles. Yep, even make the non-magical candles for "just around the house, too". I even recycle my half-burned candles into new candles. Joy!"

This had me laughing out loud. And just how long would candle magick take with those new, long-burning candles? ;)

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

Which is why I adore those smallspell candles or even birthday candles (they come in ALL colors!)