trystinn | A small holiday rant...

Now that the holidays are over, with another year between our next slip and slide love/hate relationship to them, I'm going to take a moment to admit to a dark secret: I hate holiday cards. Christmas, Yule, Hannukah, Kwanza, Festivus, whatever. Simply hate them. You can have whatever feelings you want about them, but honestly, there's nothing to redeem them in my eyes and heart. No sappy anecdote about dying Aunt Ida, or the card that arrived posthumously ten years later from Grandpa Milo. Nothing.

Folks who can barely move themselves to respond to emails or return phone calls all year long, somehow redeem themselves by sending you Hallmark's Best (or Worst, depending on your 'status' with the Sender). Not only do these dubious treasures clutter up the house and force me to update the family Address Book, thanks to the *Our New Address, please take note!* scrawled across the bottom of the envelope, they often contain the dreaded "Family Update" insertion.

Folks, I hate these things worse than I hate Spam. Worse than I hate Telemarketers - which for a gal who has her home phone ringer permanently turned OFF, is saying something. Half these cards can be Recycled, the other half will end up lining the rabbit den. I barely recognize some of these names, or how I know them, yet now I am privvy to the most bizarre details of their lives.

Here's what I learned this year thanks to these gems:
Cousin William now wants to be called Liam.
Cousin Enrique lost his driver's license.
Half of the couples we know are splitting, but its "for the best and we're looking forward to being great friends".
Half of the couples we know are "deliriously happy" and/or "settled in to their X year of marriage/dating".

Then there's the more odious holiday cards - the electric ones. Gods almighty, save me from these blights upon my Inbox. Since I live in Dial Up Hell, which folks know since I grouse about it so much, these take literally forever to download. I have gone and showered in the amount of time it takes to download these precious little gems of holiday fun. Responding in kind requires a patience I don't have.

Needless to say: Holiday cards from me have yet to be sent out, but are taking up vital space in my purse and dining room table.

Next year, how about a hug or a phone call? Really, we'd all prefer it.