Wit, Wisdom & Wonder

It has come to management's attention that one of you has been misusing varmint corpses. In the interest of harmony and health, we've created this helpful guide.

Things you cannot do with a dead varmint in this household.

1. Use it like a teddy bear.
2. Use it as a pillow (See Rule 1).
3. Curl up with it on the sofa (See Rule 1 & 2).
4. Use it to make the bassets howl.
5. Leave it in the Mommy's path from the bedroom to the coffee maker.
6. Hide it under the dining room table where a guest might find it.
7. Collect them as souvenirs. Or trophies. Or to create a set.
8. Eat them headfirst making disgusting crunching noises while humans are eating.
9. Bat or throw them around making Mommy and/or the Bassets think they are alive (See Rule #4)
10. Consider it your very own pet (See Rules 1-4).

Thank you.