Humor: Pagan Problem Report Form (aka Occult Incident Report)

[trystinn]

The Pagan Problem Report Form

1. Describe your pagan problem: __________________________________________________

2. Now, describe the pagan problem accurately:___________________________________________

3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem: ____________________________________

4. Problem severity:
A. Minor B. Minor C. Minor D. Trivial

5. Nature of the problem:
A. ___Attachment B. ___Possession C. ___Hex D. ___Strange Smell

6. Is your Aura plugged in Correctly? Yes __ No __

7. Is it turned on? Yes __ No __

8. Have you tried to Cleanse or Vanquish it yourself? Yes __ No __

9. Have you made it worse? Yes __

10. Have you had a friend who "knows all about Witchcraft and cleansing" try to fix it for you? Yes__ No__

11. Did they make it even worse? Yes __

12. Have you read a Book of Shadows? Yes__ No__

13. Are you sure you've read a Book of Shadows? Maybe __ No__

14. Are you absolutely certain you've read a Book of Shadows? No__

15. If you read a Book of Shadows, do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__

16. If 'Yes' then explain why you can't fix the problem yourself:
__________________________________________________

17. What were you doing with your Ritual circle when the problem occurred?
__________________________________________________

18. If you answered 'nothing' then explain why you were on the Astral plane:
___________________________________________________

19. Are you sure that you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__

20. Does the Cauldron in your circle work? Yes__ What's a CAULDRON? __

21. Do you have a copy of 'Witchcraft for Dummies'? Yes__ No__

22. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem, either here or passed over ? Yes__ No__

23. Do you have any magical tools, gifts or talents that DO work? Yes__ No__

24. Is there anyone else you could blame this problem on? Yes__ No__

25. Have you given yourself a good whack on the forehead? Yes__ No__ (if 'no' do it now)

26. Is the group outside your home trying to set you on fire? Yes__ Not Yet __

Comments

[wild-heart.livejournal.com]

Sigh. My local coffeeshops don't have that kind of reputation! And here I thought I was moving into the "cool" part of town . . .

[winterlion.livejournal.com]

I live technically in the "bad part of town". The area that gives Surrey BC a BAD reputation...
So his coffee shop is a durn fine thing :)

(incidentally - the only part of the Vancouver region with worse drug and crime problems is the downtown east side... where the term "skid row" originated from the drunks sleeping it off in the tree skids after boozing it up at Gassy Jack's back in the 1800s)

I love going to that coffee shop - and now that wireless internet is being installed (by my brother and I this weekend) there will be even less reason to go home. We're also hoping to get a movie projector online for saturday morning cartoons and quite nights....

[wild-heart.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you need to organize a pajama party on a monthly basis. Everybody lounge around in the morning in their jammies, watching cartoons and drinking coffee.

[winterlion.livejournal.com]

What a wonderful idea!
I'll pass that on.

The owner will love it :) (he basically lives at the coffee shop)
The folks who live upstairs at businesses nearby - who are already regulars and supporters of the shop - will probably get a kick out of it too :)