This week's Jehovah Witless visit

[trystinn]

I have a slight bullying problem when it comes to missionaries, which is why I'm not allowed to answer the door when someone else is home. Especially those who insist on returning to my home on a regular basis after we've given them a polite shove off. This week's visit came on rabbit cage cleaning day, when I'm already in a bad mood. However, I am wearing my best monster foot slippers, big black furry clawed ones. Got that mental picture? Good, here we go.

M: Do you think government is doing a good job at taking care of our most vulnerable? Women, children, senior citizens, etc.?
T: Absolutely not. The political machine in this country is corrupt.
M: Great! I have a quote here *pause to flip through latter half of Christian bible* . . .
T: We're a Jewish home.
M: Huh?
T: Jewish home. See the Mezuzah (point to one on doorframe). We're Jewish.
H: Oh, typically I read Jesus' words at this point. So I'll read from Daniel. . . *insane flippage looking for correct chapter*
T: I know the quote you mean, don't worry about it. The Torah is considerably shorter, so its easier to study.
M: *Becoming desperate* So you raise rabbits? *looking at Bunhalla over front fence*
T: No, I rescue rabbits.
M: We raised rabbits when I was a kid, kept food on the table many a night.
T: *stern look* They aren't kosher you realize. *very offended look at his mixed cotton and wool suit*
M: Oh, well we'd like to give you our literature, a free gift from the Jehovah's Witness...
T: Do

not

say his name! You may not utter the name of G-d, its forbidden! *looks down at Watchtower magazines, throw them in the air and start wiping hands* You may not defame his name by writing it on documents!
M: *looks uncomfortable* Maybe we'll return later.
T: Thank you and God bless!

Comments

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

I was afraid some of the comments were a bit to esoteric, but I should have known better with this crowd.

[sannion.livejournal.com]

Nope. It was awesome, and if they ever hassle me, I'm totally going to steal your ideas. Hell, I get mistaken for a Jew often enough perhaps I ought to use it for my own benefit.

Alas, I almost never get hassled by evangelists - even though I like talking with them, having a fondness for debating theology. I've had them cross the street or get up and take a different seat on the bus to avoid me. One time a young LDS kid stopped me and started in with his standard opening. I began asking him questions in return, even quoting obscure passages from the BoM, which seemed to make him flustered. His partner said they had to get going and offered to schedule a visit some other time. Even though I gave them my address no one ever came by. Another time, someone tried to convert me at work (http://sannion.livejournal.com/111000.html), but only in a half-hearted way.

*sniff sniff* I guess my heathen soul just isn't worth the effort.

[brock-tn.livejournal.com]

Oh no. I may be a Gentile, but I'm a well-educated-enough Gentile that I recognize an example of shatnes when it wanders by.

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

Good to hear, we make a lot of Jewish jokes around here.

[brock-tn.livejournal.com]

Yeah, well, I, the Gentile kid, was once forced to explain to someone why schmuck is not a term that should properly be used in polite mixed company, and that as an alternative he should probably use schlemiel, even though the two terms are not precise synonyms. This got me a lot of odd looks, considering that I do not speak Yiddish, (for any reasonable meaning of "speak," anyway.)

Sometimes this odd memory of mine is useful.

Edited 'cos it got poste d in the wrong spot.

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

No worries, one day I too shall have editing ability - something made more important now that my wireless keyboard is going crazy.

You know the definition of a schlemiel, right? A man who falls on his back and breaks his nose.