Dehumanization our community

[trystinn]

There's an awful lot we share on these blogs. Our sorrows, our challenges, our struggles. And when we are fortunate, we also get to share our good luck and love, our gifts, our happiness. We have lived together, laughed together and grieved together.

Over the years, we've offered up ourselves on here and for the most part there has been an incredible amount of respect and compassion, generosity and understanding. We have counted on each other, borrowed from each other, asked each other for help, offered and given much.

Things are very tough for many of us. That struggle may be financial, it may be medical, it may be psychological or emotional. It may be any combination or even all of them. It may not be the constant conversation. Frankly, I hope it isn't because I truly hope that we can all see a little brightness and a little joy despite our trials.

This conversation is about the appropriateness and respect given to what we share here. Its about the compassion and awareness to each others lives and our individual situations. Its about a generosity of spirit and a perspective greater than our own lives and reality. We all need a little more of these things. And when someone is ignoring these and trampling over them, acting with self-absorption and disrespecting those very real challenges, the response of silence speaks volumes. In fact, it can be quite deafening.

But when that behavior continues, as it so often does, sometimes you must make the all important decision to hold up the mirror to the behavior and then protect yourself.

Yesterday, someone I've known for year needed to see in that mirror. And she refused to see herself and instead made excuses. And I did what I had to do to protect myself because I am hurt. And I am furious. And I am absolutely horrified that my life, my boundaries and my situation have been intruded upon in such a selfish, self-absorbed manner.

At the end of the day, it is not that I am mad at her. Because I am not. I am frustrated that we have come to this level of obliviousness. We have become things to each other. We have become an ends to a mean. Instead of a treasured resource, we are a material source. If you want something from me, it begins and ends with me - my spirit and soul, my mind and my energy. And should you ask for my assistance, be prepared to answer how I, as a resource, can do that!

So here I make my stand. No more dehumanizing. Human, I stand.

Comments

[jullia-starz.livejournal.com]

Excellent post! I agree with you completely. I have grown to love my on-line community over the years, these are people who have been there for me, and I have been there for them. You all are a source of strength, wisdom, joy, happiness, tears, sharing of hearts, minds and souls. I have been blessed to have met a lot of them in person over the years and have never been disappointed. I was just talking to someone this morning, whom I originally met on line, then met in person, about this very thing. I am SO blessed to have my on-line community in my life, especially now with the medical issues going on. I am grateful to the gods that you are all in my life.

As to those few who always seem to only have needs, I don't read their posts much these days, frankly I can't help them right now.

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

Julia, I've met so many of our little community here but not nearly enough - DB, Ruth (and hubby), Heather, Tina, and now just this last weekend Dana. I had no idea when I was talked into Livejournal that I would make such an amazing group of friends that I would have such a strong emotional attachment for. People that I could honestly say that I love without reservation. A stronger, chosen Family.

I am both saddened and heartened to hear that I am not the only one who has seen this pattern. Saddened that it is not just in my sphere, heartened that the more recognition we give to a problem, the more energy we have to fixing and healing it.

Its a pattern. Its one we can alter. Its one we can turn folks from. Its one we can make a stand against. Its one we can refuse to follow ourselves. We all count on each other's strengths (and they are MIGHTY), and we can be grateful for them without being mercurial, without being users. I truly believe and know that. I apologize when I feel myself creeping into that model of behavior. I apologize when I'm too cerebral with others, because that's my strength and I too often rely on it when I should be dusting off my heart a bit more often. Sometimes all I can offer is a *zen hug* but it is heart-felt and soul-offered.

So here we are. A small group of folks who see it. That's a good start to a decent revolution. :D

*smooch*

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Yeah, it's truly important to remember that miles away, at the other end of networks and wires and on the other side of a computer screen, there's a real person who has feelings, and a life that's not easy most of the time.

[wild-heart.livejournal.com]

It must have been bad indeed for you to feel the need to write this.

::hugs::

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

To quote one of my favorite fictional witches (and the wisest) and Sir Terry Pratchett "Sin … is when you treat people as things." (Granny Weatherwax).

sorry

[hestiax.livejournal.com]

I haven't had a computer for the last almost four months. It is hard to update or comment via the phone and so I generally have just been reading. What computer time I have has gone to email and Facebook because I can update the most people there. It is harder to stay up to date there though. It doesn't mean I am not thinking about every one.

Re: sorry

[tryst-inn.livejournal.com]

Honey, we're all busy and no one's holding anyone's attention hostage. More so when kids are involved. *hugs*

[wastedmouthfull.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I think the webs have done communication skills a disservice.
It is hard to convey true emotion on here without sounding trite, and it is easier to lambast someone for a viewpoint that is not our own.
We seem to forget that we are all humans and the fail can be largesse.
And on a personal note, you know Tris I love you you are as much of a sister to me as I am ever going to get.
Just remember you are truly loved and respected.